I had read Sage’s blog once, several months before. My initial gut response had been, “unstable, self-absorbed, and has poor boundaries—stay away from this person.” I had heeded that response for a long time. Why did I answer that email?
The email was what’s known in cult awareness and spiritual recovery circles as a “love bomb.” It seemed to offer the appreciation, warmth, and understanding I so desperately wanted. I went back and read Sage’s blog again without thinking critically, picking out the things I wanted that Sage seemed to offer and discounting my previous objections: like an abused child, I was ready to give up my integrity for anything I could identify as caring.
The quiet voice of integrity that lives in every heart told me I was entering dangerous territory. It offered a clear warning, but it wasn’t offering any comfort: each day, its calm messages about the actual mistakes I had made were magnified and distorted by the shame and fury that codependents and feel when something, anything, hasn’t worked out. I turned away from the voice of my Source. I wanted the comfort Sage ladled out in huge, sugar-frosted portions. I didn’t care that that comfort felt smarmy at some times and dangerous at others.
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