Spiritual abuse and codependence, part 3: Attachment

Within a couple of hours after I received Sage’s first email, I wrote a long reply full of confidences, grievances, and self-pity. Within hours, I had a longer answer full of praise, sympathy, and assurances that I was just like Sage and could share in Sage’s current and future success. I was assured that my leadership potential was so blazingly obvious—from just one email!—that very little preparation would be necessary, that I could have my credential in a very short time with Sage’s help and influence, and that I could start my own spiritual community through the organization to which Sage had belonged for several months. It was a wonderful organization, far better than the many others Sage had been a part of, and the leader was one of the most amazing people Sage had ever met, though Sage had a few things to say to that leader about how things should be done, based on Sage’s superior qualifications, higher intelligence, and greater closeness to the Source. (Can you count the red flags? I couldn’t, then.)

In a matter of days after our first email exchange, I was spending more time online and on the phone with Sage than I was spending with anyone else in my life— including myself. Before I had any corroboration of Sage’s academic and professional history, I had confided extensively in Sage, including personal information that made me very vulnerable later on.

My significant other started wondering why I was always on the computer or the phone with Sage. I explained that Sage was a brilliant leader, free of the prejudices and conventions that had held me back. Sage believed in me, and we were going to take the world by storm. My significant other expressed concern and doubt about the idea that I was getting this involved with someone I’d met on the Net. I resented that.