Spiritual abuse and codependence, part 6: Repetition

Some days after the first tantrum, when I was feeling a little braver, I asked whether Sage had read my email about not assuming and projecting. Sage said, “I skimmed it—I’ve had a lot to do,” and changed the subject because we had more important things to talk about: had I read their last email? In depth?

Soon thereafter, I went to the computer with my morning coffee and opened my email. Since the first tantrum, I had never opened one of Sage’s emails with quite the same sense of blind trust and euphoric happiness. I was no longer sure I’d always get my sugar-coated love bomb. Still, I was sure there wouldn’t be another tantrum, because I had expressed my concerns and I knew Sage would never hurt me on purpose. Besides, I had been extra careful not to say anything that might give offense.

There, sitting in my inbox like a series of sugar-free landmines, was another tantrum, following roughly the same schedule, word count, and narrative arc. This time, of course, I had no rank to lose, but my credential was at risk because of my abusive behavior and my immature relationship with the Source. Intensive spiritual work with Sage would be required.

I knew what was expected of me. I made the call. I repeated the apologies word for word at Sage’s prompting. The love-bombing resumed.