Spiritual abuse and codependence, part 8: Escape

Back home after the meeting, I got on the Net every day and watched with an increasing sense of disquiet as Sage spun multiple stories in different directions to different people, seldom lying outright, using omission with brilliant skill, often pushing the truth as far as it would go. I watched as Sage tailored the message to a different groups. I listened in astonishment on the phone as Sage told me stories of involvement in groups and events that would never have accepted each other and actions that would not have been accepted by the many groups to which Sage went for legitimacy. Over and over, I heard Sage reduce what could have been collegial interactions to power struggles Sage was going to win, then slip instantly and seamlessly into high-flown language about Sage’s spiritual insights and deep connection with the Source. I saw more and more instances in which Sage flattered others in public and tore them down in private.

I wanted out. I felt trapped. Sage knew a lot about me. Sage had a lot of contacts, mostly people who knew a great deal less about Sage than I did but who were impressed by Sage’s self-presentation. Sage could put me down to others in a large network of spiritual organizations, and I would not be credible to the others because they knew me only through Sage. Sage had a credential and a title, and I was an unknown. I had watched as Sage’s assessment of other spiritual leaders bounced from “wise and wonderful” to “evil” and back again, depending solely on whether Sage was getting what Sage wanted from those leaders. In my saner moments, I knew I wanted out, but I could not see how to escape.

The tantrums continued at the rate of one every week to ten days. I started to feel sick and nervous on day six of the cycle. I remembered a poster I had seen years before: THE BEATINGS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES.

Sage went to work obliterating the few boundaries I had managed to set early on. Finally the escalating manipulation put me over the edge. I emailed Sage to say I was through, and resigned from the group. I had spent a season in hell. I was never going to deal with Sage again in any capacity. I wrote a list of the “red flags” I had ignored during my time with Sage. There were sixty of them.